Maybe there's hope yet

Ok, so here's the thought. And yes, I've been focusing on boys lately, but this is still new to me. Especially the fact that yes, there are differences between boys and girls. Ok, well perhaps not genetically ingrained gender differences, but temperament differences that we attribute certain temperament types and behaviors to one gender and label it as a gender characteristic versus a temperament thing. So my boy has the temperament typically attributed to boys and men. He gets into everything. He climbs everything. He hits, scratches and head buts. He is radically different from my daughter. Poor me. Ok, so the thought must continue now. I was hoping that there would be no difference between boys and girls (or at lest those gender ascribed temperament traits), but there is in this case. And so what? Do I squelch and try to limit this boyishness in my son? Or do I just jump and dive in head first? Well, I've grown warm to the idea, and now I'm jumping. I just got back from the thrift store today where I bought two trucks and a car. Vehicles for my boy who loves vehicles. I've also been drooling over finding a basketball hoop, thinking of growing our hotwheels collection, and other boy related business. Why? Well, it's so different from what I have so far. My daughter by far isn't a girly girl, which is ok by me because I'm not so much either. But this whole boy thing is a fun new experience. Ok, so not so new. I did have two younger brothers who I lived with in their little boy prime-ness (oh say, 18 mo to 4 yrs). And I did nanny two little boys for 4 years or so. I know boys. For a bit there I thought I knew boys and got along with boys better then girls. And now I'm getting that feeling back and it feels good. Feels like home. So here I am submerging my self in boy. One thing that makes me realize how much I like this new boy infested life is because I tend to carry a lot of those boy temperament traits. I've always been a (oh god which side of the brain is it) math brained thinker (usually attributed as a boy strength), a climber (still remember trying to parachute off my grandparents fireplace mantel with plastic shopping bags), a outgoing, domineering, controlling, aggressive person. So now I don't fear so much any more that my pacifist, feminist, happy-go-lucky will confuse our poor sons in our lovely male, patriarchal, macho society. No, they have mom to look up to. That's right boys. I'm itchin to learn to build a fence, and if I satisfy this itch, it's gonna be mama who's gonna teach ya to use the drill, saw table, and hammer. Not to say that daddy won't, but for those times that you need to observe some aggression in action- it'll probably be me. Assertion? Me. And this goes for my daughter as well. But you know, being a girl, there's a lot you learn about cattiness, and we'll probably have a bit of that between us girls, because I think I do get along with boys better. Sorry dear.

So that's my bit and piece, a bit rambling about all of this, but in the end, I'm gonna dive into the pool of boy and not feel guilty, because I know that I will not be forcing some idiotic macho masculinity on the boys, they've got their wonderful father to help counter that terrible image (with some positivity), but they will have a mother and a father supportive of them in which ever direction they go, whether it is typical boy, or not so typical boy. We'll still get the toys and who cares if they get dusty, we'll just make sure that that opportunity will be there.

:D

I'm one of those folks

Yes, I'm one of those folks... the emocations people. Sometimes I cringe at the thought that I am including one of my grinning colon letter d smileys after those little funny, or pleading, or cheesey lines that I type to someone else. But I am sitting here smiling, and I love the attempt to express my personality in more then just letters of the alphabet. I grin, so does my smily. Do I overuse it though? Does the person that I'm internetionally smiling to hate the damn things? Probably. But I can't help my self. If I don't include a freakin smily, at least after my name, then I just feel bland. Like the person on the other end just wont quite understand the meaning behind my words. The sound of my voice with the tone and inflections that I would use in person. Damn the smilys...

But aint this kid cute? :D

And the sun shone...

Today, the sun came out. It rained in the morning (I could definitely tell by the soggy newspaper- soggy inside the "protective" wrapping), but this afternoon, the sun came out. All of a sudden I realize why I've been watching so much TV. It's because of the weather. It must be. Because all of a sudden, it's 7:10 in the evening and the sun is just setting, meaning it is still light outside. Joy. To have sunlight last until after dinner is glorious. And to finally see the sun today makes me want to not sit on my butt and laze about. It seems as if the sun brings with it a sense of life, purpose, energy. To have the sun out opens the world and floods the day with potential. I've got energy, I don't want to park my butt in front of the dim TV when the gorgeous sunshine is shining in through my window unexpentantly. You have to go out and make something of yourself in the sunshine. This is a great thing. Now, with the sun out, I can get out and walk around the neighborhood purposely if I so desire. Or I can walk by the river and be amazed and grateful that we live by such a powerful wonder of nature and be that much more grounded in my day. I can go to the park and chat folks up. I can let the kids loose in the backyard. I can let myself loose. Ahh... now if only this weren't just a temporary break in the rain, and spring would actually feel more spring like. I just want the sun and spring to share... trade days... not just let the big rain bully the sun into little half day appearances every once a week or so lately. I'll take a little rain. The warm, lite, springy kind of rain, that doesn't make the world soggy, but makes the world refreshed. Ahh... sun.

boys

What is my fear? That I will be overruled? That my significance will be diminished? That they collectively snuff out my shine? What you ask? I am somehow grappling with the fact that I have boys and am having a hard time with the acceptance. Wha?? Well, lets see. The bigger one is full of boyness. Unbeknownst to me at the start, he has and still is developing into full blown boy. Sure there are plenty of sweet little things he does like gives kisses without prompt, or rocking stuffed animals. But then, there's the whole car thing- take him to a thrift store and all he goes for are the vehicles. And he picked up a gun lookin thingy too. Perhaps that's just what I notice, who knows! So anyways, with these boys, and the now unbalanced boy favored gender divide in my house, I think I'm a bit afraid to dive into the boys life. I know about GI Joes (although I almost spell it wrong every time wanting to use a G instead of a J), I know about climbing, running, falling, and football even. But enough to have knowledge. These weren't things that I lived my life for, that I overindulged myself in. These are boy things. And now I'm in charge of raising boys. And the bigger one is already a full steam ahead, into everything, how is he going to be stopped kind of a boy. And if I have two of them? What will happen then? Their boisterousness will outshine, out perform even my bold personality. I am a big sister (attention whore from that), I am a scorpio (loves attention and is a forceful personality), I am in my all about me twenties (although I'm not quite livin it up like my peers). But I do fear that all this will be snuffed out by my overwhelming, larger then life boys. Scary for me.