Inside my head

So I'm sitting here relaxing. Yes read it again; relaxing. Why? Well my friend (childless, young friend) is reading to M, Carter is attempting to sleep (or being tortured by the confines of his crib and the fact that I'm ignoring him), and Nick is eating (proficient one hand typer am I). And as my friend is sitting there, actively listening (not multi tasking which I always do- which I don't know if said friend could accomplish anyhow) to my daughters every request, I'm thinking in mt head it must be torture to read 50 books to M, and answer every question. But then I stopped and thought 1- my friend does not have kids so I shouldn't feel guilty or that I'm dumping M on her partly because she's willingly reading to my child and 2- she probably gets plenty time to spend thinking, which is what the quiet moment is allowing me.
You know, I enjoy being in my head. I like thinking, reviewing, pondering, and escaping into my big, jumbled grey mass. Perhaps this is why I've lost some of my self confidence in speaking with others. I've lost a large amount of my thinking time (multi-tasking with those kids!), and so now, when I engage in conversation with another, I don't have the concentration that comes with regular meditative thought, nor the ability to think of what I'm going to say before I say it. I am usually rambling off on some tangent because I've lost the ability to stay focused on one track, and haven't thought beforehand what my point was and how I was going to get there. Just like the doctors say, use it or loose it, and it's the same for your brain. Kids are the couch and junk food of your brain. They rot it, they are the excuse not to exercise, they are the demotivators and the big black void that sucks you in and spits you back out not looking or acting the way you had intended.
So hopefully I'll get my mind back soon, but until then I'll relish this quiet moment where I can think in my head, quietly, uninterrupted, and enjoy every moment of the well pieced together thought. Ahhh....


(ps- picture is of Mt. Shasta as we pulled out of a gas station on our way back from Ashland... the pictoral display of a clear, well thought mind :)