boobies

So the kids get down from the table after finishing breakfast and like freshly released convicts they run like the dickens for the living room. Carter gets there first and upon noticing my bra lying there on the floor points and babbles "mabababao" and then Morgan pauses and looks at what he's pointing at and excitedly says "yeah! Boobies" and then thinks a bit more and tells him "yeah, those are mommies boobies" to reinforce the concept.

Great... didn't know that my chest would actually leave me to reside on my living room floor. :D

Making Morgan wait for this one

Hi me myself and I (and all those others whose eyes spy),
So... just random thoughts running around in my head
One, I love Madonna. Now that is one hot mama that rocks. She's a totally cool mama, producing books, staying hot, seems like she seems to live her life as she pleases. Then she goes off and produces some totally hot and rockin music, and goes on tour being as raunchy and bad ass as she wants to be! That's how I'd like to see myself as. Sure I can throw (sew) together themed pants for a party and be all martha stewartish (as others tell me I sometimes project), but then I want to be able to get all dolled up, look hot, feel sexy, and pass as a hot young person. Which brings me to dance. I freakin miss it like you wouldn't believe. I want to go do hip hop classes, but I get so unmotivated by the time there is an opportunity and end up subverting my original plans
fuck got distracted and didn't finish

Sex

So last night I had a bit to drink (if you were there, yes, it was more like a gallon, but a gallon can be a bit-compared to a lake!). As we drank, the Karen came out. What? Well if you know me, about 90% of the time my mind is in the gutter and about 40% of that time I actually let others know what I'm thinking. I love dirty jokes, I love double entendres about sex, I love asking about others and sex, I love having sex (hello three kids), and I've taken enough sexuality classes to sometimes feel like an expert. Also, I believe somewhat in the whole zodiac signs business, and well, I'm a Scorpio (quick go google). It's one of the most sexual of signs, if not the one. So you can say it's in the stars, I was born to have sex branded in my brain. And so during our (my) drinking party and the inebriation that followed, we fellow moms got to talking- or in reality I got to asking all the questions that I wanted to know about others. And also bringing up funny sex related stories (sex in the city episodes worth mentioning), asking the vital sex statistics, and exploring our hopes for our children in regards to when they start having sex, sexual deviants, and my favorite topic, the orgasm. Turns out that unbeknownst to me the statistic about number of women who don't go the big O might actually be right. How sad. Very very sad. I make sure "I get mine" otherwise, what a waste of time- ok not really, but it's like going to a buffet and eating only the veggies cause ya need to eat something, but passing on all the other yummy food. Seriously, in the small crowd of mamas there were what, maybe two or three that hit O nearly every time. Just not fair, they don't know what they are missing. And more importantly, how can they have hope for their daughters? (or sons?)
You see here, my theory is that sex is going to happen when the child feels the need. I, like any other parent, hope that she (Morgan) would wait till full adulthood, and with a person she feels a strong connection with (love even), and have it (sex for the first time) be a grand ol memory. But this is an ideal model and for me, what I feel is more important is that she knows what she's doing (boys, well we'll approach the subject differently on that one).
What she's doing? Well, I want my girl to play and play and play with herself and find out what buttons to push to make it good. I want her to be comfortable enough with her body and her sexuality to know what she likes what she wants and then take that whole complete package and pair it with someone else. I feel that too many people, young girls especially, just aren't comfortable enough with their own sexuality to know what they want and what they can have. And then these young girls go and try to get the elusive satisfaction from other people because of all the pressures and myths out there about sex, and it just doesn't happen. How can you know how to orgasm when you don't know what feels good with your clit, and what feels good vaginally. There's two different main orgasms; some woman only climax with clitoral stimulation, others only vaginally. That's fine, when you get to that point that you've figured that out, then you transfer that knowledge to the bedroom with your partners and then you'll always be satisfied.
Enough with the sex ed and back to the topic at hand here. There are plenty of situations that you wait until you or your child is ready to handle certain things. Such as kindergarten. You want to first be confidant that your child is emotionally, educationally, socially and physically ready for school before you send them to kindergarten- otherwise you hold them back. You wouldn't send a child who can't count, color, climb, make friends, or any appropriate activity/ability to a school where it would just serve to confuse and harm the child because "every one says" they are the right age, or because there's some ideal that you feel you must follow. So I don't want Morgan as a teenage girl to feel uncomfortable touching her self, but yet feel that she must let someone else do it because then it might feel good and besides, that's what people do. People have sex; mom and dad managed to have three kids, people talk about sex with this air of inclusion and special-ness and stigma, there must be something to it so try it out. I want her instead to say, geez, I know what I like and I enjoy it, and at some point I want her to say, ok, even though I'm satisfied by myself, I'd like to open up and try to have mutual satisfaction with another person (person- yeay, my child can be gay!). And I'm hoping that because all of the social stigma and pressure surrounding sexuality it will take a while to overcome that and become comfortable in her own, and so she will be emotionally ready in all the other departments before approaching the toughest one of sex. It's much more a Waldorfy type of thinking- teach the whole being instead of focusing on the facts and subject.
In short, sexuality being of the most taboo, stigmatized and difficult parts of ourselves, I'm hoping that in making Moran a comfortable sexual being, she will be a more complete being who will be adequately equipped and comfortable to make decisions on her own and respect those choices and their consequences (good or bad).
And the boys too, but that's a whole nother topic about respecting women and being good men- their dad's a good example so I'm hoping that will be a huge help and influence.

So yes, my posts lately are about sex, sex, sex, but that's all me baby.

Happiness

You know, one missing element that most parent's lack is masturbatory time. That's right. Parents would probably all be so much more relaxed if they went to bed after a little taste of themselves (not literally- I'm talkin about goin solo here), or just on a regular basis (at least once weekly), had the time to massage the origin of being (yes, referring to the reproduction organs here). Wouldn't it be nice? I think this is one of the few things I really miss about being alone by myself more then one hour a day. The ability to play with yourself like no one's watching (caring, or getting off). So relaxing. There's this one mom that I really like, she's got a great personality and is very comfortable with herself, and well, she opened up and offered forth the information that she often goes to bed before her husband, and will masturbate to sleep. Now that is what I'm talking about. Take me all the way back to being a kid again. Gotta love the mama. So go on now world, play a little (on a regular basis).

:D

So what's it like to have three kids...

So four months into the actual life of a mother of three and what is it like? Well, it's not so bad. Some times I actually have to stop and count all three of them to realize that there's three. I know I'm just looking at things optimistically right now, it will be harder, and probably just more and more so as time goes on, but right now it's ok. There are definitely days, bad ones, and moments where I realize three to one is not good odds when you're the one and in charge. Let's create a scene. Nick is crying and fussy. He's hungry, possibly, well he's been on the boob for what feels like half the day, but it calms him eighty percent of the time so that's a good answer. What ever you do, breastfeed or not, you are not allowed to set him down because that's when it gets louder, more fanatical, and longer to calm him. So baby attached to self (bouncing- never stop bouncing), and then Carter is hungry so he found some food. Food- could be left over unfinished sticky syrupy waffles from breakfast that he's now feasting on the floor (note to self that it will be stepped in later and sticky feet will result), or it could be un unopened bag of snack food, cereal, cookies, you name it, that he's pretty much ripped to shreds without opening or has mushed and crushed the contents making it undesirable to open ever (unless you plan on getting some cleaning experience for the housecleaning position that you're overqualified to work- from having three kids of course). And so find Carter some food that will not induce too much bad nutritional option guilt, take away attacked, decimated item, and realize that you still haven't eaten breakfast. Don't forget about baby, you should probably try feeding him now to see if that will help. And then Morgan appears and she's looking at you with the crooked head tilt that is required by much too long bangs (trying to grow those suckers out!!!), and whining that she can't find a toy, the cat is bugging her, and hey- she's noticed Carter has food and she wants some too. You look past her at the mess she up and forgot about that you'll have to walk over to sit and feed the baby, the food that Carter is eating the last of that Morgan shouldn't have anyways and wonder how you'll explain this to her without inducing a fit, and just scream some obscenities at her, demand she cleans her toys, go sit on the couch and feed the baby while ignoring the Carter mess that will have to be cleaned later and sigh. Sigh. That's all that's left in your being for the moment.
Then there's the time that both Carter and Nick are taking a nap simultaneously! and Morgan is sitting quietly reading books to herself and you get a moment to realize that your house is full of well behaved, lovely, adorable children who love you unconditionally (well as long as you feed them), and life is good. Or the time that they all make each other laugh, or work together, or hug and kiss one another. Life is sweet with three kids. The best thing is that in no time at all, when Nick is more of a presence in the house hold (and not just my breast), there will be an insane bustle about the house, and then one day I'm sure it will all get very very quiet when they will have grown and left us with the support system inherent in having siblings.
As having three kids becomes more and more a drain on my self and my parenting patience, at least they have each other for those times mama goes crazy and is unreasonable, irrational, and just plain 'ol not responding to mama. At least then, when mama doesn't wanna be mama, there is always brother or sister. And yes, repeating to myself, soon enough sister will be able to pour cereal, and then brother will be poo-ing in the toilet, and mama will be able to have her non mama moment... whooo hoo....

Three kids is a zoo! And soon enough a self sustained zoo. Grow children grow!

Religion.

So today at a birthday party everyone (well the small group of us chatters) got on the subject of religious schools. The subject was spurned by the local church led preschool's doctrine on not officially teaching religion in the school/classroom, but yet managing to bring it in subversively elsewhere. And so one of the mothers brought up the point that hits bulls eye on me. My religious ignorance. As much as I hate the religious freaks (yes, the freaks, the normal people I'm ok with), they've got a special something that I don't- religious knowledge. And that's what the mother said as the reason why her child is going to church occasionally, because her husband is religiously ignorant and misses a lot of jokes and references to good ol biblical learned facts (stories). What a smart idea. Hopefully my children will still go to private high school (if we ain't broke) cause all the ones around here are religious and then they can get their healthy dose of religion that will then let them pass through the rest of their lives as part of that secret group of people who are in the know (as one kid kept repeating, KNOW Jesus). Damn secret societies ;D

stories from the front line

So continuing on in the saga of Karen life. After my horrific morning where I just wanted to scream, and did a bit, help arrived. A good friend took Morgan off to play (finally someone happy for her to be around!), and then my sister arrived to help with kids and mom. Nothing happend with my mother, except she called and I let her know that I was having a bad time and was in no mood to deal with her problems because I needed to work on my own life for that day. And can ya believe it! She listened and respected my wish. If only it could always happen that way. So the drama with my mama continues today with her doctors appointment this afternoon. Followed by my doctors appointment for my raging (yes raging) bladder infection. Irony of all ironies, the bladder infection came from a very good night from my husband (I'm trying to be indirect, but it seems that the man is only getting better giving head!). So go the days of my life.

Some very funny things.

Yesterday I listened to myself tell Carter not to wield knives from the drawer.

And Dan caught Carter attempting to breach the fresh seal of the Raisin Bran Crunch. Picture to follow of what Carter actually did to the box. With the post script that I gave the poor box a break and handed the open box (bag) to Cater to which he ran behind the curtains (hid) and for a good hour his sole entertainment was seceretly (he thought) eating a good amount of Rasin Bran Crunch. At least he got a little bran.

And I went swimming yesterday. I was the last in the pool and the first out. I am badly out of shape. Not so funny, but how about I rode my bike there and forgot a bike lock. So I used some old ghetto cracking one left there and wrapped it around my tires and such like it could actually deter theft. Nice.

The cat got stuck on the top of the door yesterday. On top of the door. The one inch ledge there. How did he get up there?

Morgan just showed me a picture she colored. The boy had red eyes and blond hair. Red eyes. Could it be her brother? haha

Enough for now. Must clean (muhahahahaha), attempt to clean, futile attempt to pick one thing up and throw it in the direction that it belongs in while running after the mess master to yet again, clean.

:D

Talk me down from the ledge

First.... Why does car insurance have to cost so damn much?
Second... I really hate commercials for kids shows.
Third... I feel like I need some preventitive mental health care. I want to tell everyone this with out them looking at me crazy. It's preventively- I'M NOT CRAZY YET! But I am prelioursly close.

I love friends. They serve many many uses and functions. Such as therapist/counselor. Babysitter. Network person. Crash pad.

Oh yeah, speaking of friends, I drank a beer compliments of a friend last night. Never before have I wanted to drink a beer so bad. I needed a bit of a relaxant in me, I sure as all hell didn't feel like an acidic wine, I could have done a mixer, but beer or wine it was, so I went for the beer. Now with all those cool people hanging around drinking beer, or the tales from others about "a nice cold bottle of beer" have always made me want to join this club of beer drinkers so that I too can be one of those beer in hand people at a party, or talk about my relaxing evening where I just sat down with a beer and took it easy. Nope, never could get over the taste enough to do this. But last night, I needed the mental picture that came with a beer in hand. So I drank it. After enough time, I think I might become a beer in hand person, but let this be known, this is something I have to work to achieve. Who knew. So thanks friend for limiting my options so that I had to accept that beer, one of these days I'll have a beer gut (not just a baby gut, but a beer one too), and it will all be from that one you handed me. ;D

This whole wanting to drink a beer and have those experiences that others have reminds me of so many other things that I see in others that I am envious of. Like those politically involved people- you know, the ones that actually attend city council meetings, that provide input on city planning meetings, know the name of obscure political officeholders (like superintendents, controllers, homeland security).

And why don't they sell those tiny little round watch batteries at costco? Cause come on, there are two markets for the batteries, those who keep watches long enough to actually replace the batteries and then only need one, and then parents who need millions of them for all the stinkin' dead or whining toys. I'm to lazy to buy a million little packets at the store (which one anyways?), but I'm tellin ya- if they sold them at costco, I'd be all over that!

And as I sit and type (one handed now- no one else wants to hold baby), I'll leave ya with a picture of what transposes while I do so. And I suppose I'll narrate too- Carter is reading books, notice them on the floor and the chair to climb onto the brick hearth to then climb the stool to pull said books down. And both kids still in pj's. And the tv is on. It's that kind of day. I need some talking down from the ledge today.

Pregnant

Now, if you know me, your heart has stopped temporarily and you're thinking- OH NO NOT AGAIN!!!
But no, I'm so not pregnant. Actually, I feel like I'm ovulating again (but still periodless goin on two and a half years here!). So what about pregnant? Well, I think I like it. Actually I pretty much love being pregnant. Yep. Sure there's a hellava lot of bitching and complaining going on by me when I'm pregnant, but for the most part, I love it. I love it so much that I'd love to be a surrogate. I'm a little crazy now, because it's hell chasing after a little one when you've got so much goin on up front, but you know... maybe in a couple of years. Just don't want to hang on to my favorite big preggo clothing till then- especially since it's just a maybe. :D

But... one thing I love about being pregnant is the fact that you are expected to gain weight and let your stomach (and many other) muscles go slack. I love not having to worry about what I look like in clothing and have the excuse that I'm pregnant to justify it all. Now the sad thing is that I love to be pregnant to abuse this freedom because being a normal American woman who is naturally not overweight, I'm expected to be a trim fit "perfecto" woman all the rest of the time. Damn expectations. They suck. And then, the whole crazy "well those celebrities can get back in shape in 2 weeks- if they can do it then you can too" thought that might not be said, but certainly is thought is crazy. My response is- I ain't teachin Morgan to say "well if Bush can pick a fight with a whole nother country, then I can brutilate my brother too!" Wouldn't be funny if that were the case? :D

Yeah, so I'm a little random here, but ya know. By the way, I found a very nice lovely website that streams rockin dance music. Rave/dance/techno always calms me and puts me in the best energized mood. So if there's ever bad news you have to break to me... just put a little Paul Oakenfold, Moby, Orb, etc in the playa and let it rip. :D Gruvsonic. Nice.

Also, I am typing naked with nutin but a pen in my hair. Ain't that a picture! (Not one I'll post even if I had one!)