Ok now

So I orignally started this whole "Bloggy" thing to do what I want to do... Journal... I never have enough time to do so, and I get a hand cramp when I do actually do, so since I'm on the computer so much... why not. Well it was first for my eyes alone. Then I shared it with a few select friends because I felt that I had some neat interesting things said nicely and oh so Karen, and then I shared with maybe another person or so. And then my husband goes ahead and get's the link and send's it to the inlaws. Now, there's really no problem with that except, well, I'm not really moderating or censoring myself here, and I make no apologies. Just know that this is me. And I ain't always pretty. But in this picture I sure am. Now there's one hot mama. :D

Also, please know that I remembered your birthday em. I tried calling you, but the phone just kept ringing, and then I tried IMing you, but you were off line, and then I was going to email you from my cell phone, but your address didn't show up in it... so I'm sorry that I didn't say happy birthday on your actual birthday, but I remembered!!! I love you! Happy birthday and congratulations on the quarter century mark! Go out and have cheaper car insurance and now you can rent one with no problems! :D Love you!!!!

wha? Crazy? Who?

Why oh why is my most productive time of the day in the wee hours of the night? Well because every one is asleep and it's quiet. All except the sound of my husband snoring through the baby monitor. Sad eh? My peace disturbed by the amplifcation of my husband's singing nasal song through the baby monitor-a-bobber. Sigh.

Oh yeah, my birthday is only um... 9 days away? And someone let part of the "suprise" slip today. Fresno? Something about Fresno. Now that's a hoot ;D

I'm in major burnout period with school right now. It feels like it's raining through the roof with things to do and I'm just trying to stick as many buckets under the leaking roof and empty the full ones as fast as possible before I drown. Yes, quite depressingly vivid eh? But I feel that it's a bit of rough seas for the moment and hopefully the sun will begin to poke through soon and things will fall back into order- school, finances, baby sleeping through the night, kindergarten class responsibilies (and Morgan's school stuff in genereal), keeping the fucking house clean, and all the damn things that I want to do: TV, pleasure read, sleep in, get a massage. EH I'm tired.

And I'm hoping that the baby sleeps through the night tonite, or at least for more then 3 hours at a time (!!!), but then again, he's eating so much at nite now that my boobs hurt and I cant sleep after a couple of hours either. Sucks... Screwed either way.

Ahh.... I know I'm crazy. I'm just coming to terms with it all :D

Oh and I'm so digging my current playlist... consists of many many things amongst them: Bjork-it's oh so quiet, gnarls barkley- gone daddy gone, wiseguys-oh la la, groove armada-i see you baby, beetles- yellow submarine and hey jude, joan jett- i love rock and roll.... many many various songs. It is so Karen though ;D

Update

Being in school again makes me snack like crazy!
And along the same lines, I've lost a ton of weight (ok, truth time- all time high of 148 to all time post baby low of 135), and people are noticing. I feel great, I get compliments daily and I love the way I feel. But... I've been eating like crazy! I snack all the time and not just on crap either. I wonder if my body has used up all the alternative fuel (body fat) to feed baby up to this point and now the weight loss is a combo of breast feeding, upping my thyroid meds, anti-depressant side effect, and living life a bit chaotically (forgetting to eat regular meals some days, bike riding to school, etc). I love it and have no major hope of it lasting, especially at the rate that I'm snacking.

Ok, so Morgan's birthday has come and passed, and now next it's my birthday!! Whoo hoo! So here's a list of what I want: Fergie's new CD, some one to clean the inside of my van windshield and replace the wiper blades, accessories for my cell phone- a car charger and some kind of headset (it takes bluetooth), a neckalace custom made in the shape of a star with every family members birthstone in each corner of the star. And these are my simplist wishes. Oh yea, I'll also take a new laptop, a big bad ass camera, and lots more study/errand/babysitting time! Maybe some new jeans. And how about... humm.. control of the earth!! Some freakin books, subscription to SNR, Adbusters, Bust, New Yorker, or any cool, non daily reading. Shoes. Man and I thought I didn't want that much!

Some time's I'm a good mama, othertimes I just want to take a break from mama and be babysitter instead.

It's strange, my babysitter and sisters' roommate is dating my husband's first cousin. Strange. And they met through my sister at the hooka bar.

My mother has been amazingly good lately. Well behaved and coherent. Humm... shit's gonna fall.

I had a wow in counseling the other day. What I need to help my kids stop fighting so much is realize what their individual needs are and how to make each one realize the other's need. And likewise, I (and Dan) need to stop and asses our children's needs and how that is motivating their behavior anytime before we parent in autopilot mode. So anywhay, the main thing is that we both feel that we aren't quite parenting in the way we used to, or the way that we want to, but we're too tired or overwhelmed to put the required effort back into parenting that we should. So yeah.

Nick is eating food from the ground. We just mopped yesterday. Sigh.