Ahhhh... descisions

So I went to the doctors yesterday to ponder a whole laundry list of things wrong. Such as my fat middle and why it won't leave despite swimming my ass off four days a week. And the pimples that have exploded all over my face, front and back. And my thyroid medication adjustment. And birth control. Yes, birth control. Not that there has been no use of baby prevention in the last 16 months, but it has been all prophylactics, no pills. The chief complaint about prophylactics is the lack of spontaneity and hubbys preference not to use them. The advantages of the birth control pill is the pregnancy protection, the regularity of periods, taking care of the acne, and a resumption of spontaneous sex. Here's the problem with birth control. The one that the doc selected for me requires me to wean. Stop breastfeeding the boy. So the decision is to take the birth control for the benefit of acne and sex, or continue to boobie the boy until either one of us are done. I'm really having a problem with this black or white decision. I know that I can go back to the doctors and say that I want to be on a birth control that is safe for nursing as well, but at some point in my life won't I have to stop the boobie feeding anyway? And I don't know, I just feel like too big of a wuss to go back to the doctor and admit having a baby attached to my breast for a significant amount of time during the day trumps getting rid of acne and my sex life. Pill or boobs. For goodness sake, my breasts have functioned as little cafeterias for a good 16 months. My identity still includes nursing mom. To be told just to give it up like that. I am resisting being told what to do with my boobs. Now the funny part is, I was starting to think about weaning in the future. I am getting a little tired of being viewed as a giant lollipop every time the baby gets near me. I want to have a time where I pick up the baby and he isn't pulling up my shirt seeing if he can convince me it's milky time. Like a little junky always asking for a hit. It can be quite tiring and destructive to identity and independence. And on the flip side, being able to have a quickie without searching for, putting on and later disposing of a condom, taking extended trips away from the baby, and not leaking milk ever again all are good things. Part of me still has the mentality that me stopping the milk flow will somehow deprive the baby of nutrients. But seriously, the baby is on a full on regular food diet, drinks soy milk already and is beyond the first year of oh so important boobie milk nutritional needs. The other thing is that I feel that I'm making a choice to be selfish and put my needs and vanity over baby, or let the special last time in my life nursing relationship continue with the milk junkie. So far I'm just letting the birth control sit on my bedside table available for my choosing, but unused for now. Ahh, the decision to make...