profoundness
Ok, just got off the phone with my neighbor who opened up my eyes to a perspective that perhaps even I am too blind to ever see.
It starts with another phone call last night with my mother in law. The woman is amazing- she is more normal, patient, understanding, caring, intelligent then my mother and most other people I come across, and then she's just a kind person. Silently strong. Well, this mother in law, aka MIL, aka mom, called the other night and wanted to speak with me. I've been busy these days and haven't seen her much other then Easter (missed seeing her at a wedding shower when I skipped town to Canada), nor talked to her on the phone recently. As a matter of fact, I've been so mentally busy that when she (and many others) has called, I've told Dan to call back/follow up because he can and I'm so out there on a million other ideas. Well, with this mental, physical and emotional absence, mom thought that perhaps I was upset with her, maybe mad, or somehow our relationship had changed. This is the point which I remind you that this woman has the unusual canny to find the MOST perfect cards for me that always manage to convey the thought that despite the fact that I've married into the family, I'm considered family to the core. So she calls and gently asks if everything is ok and if she's said or done something recently that maybe I've been upset about/with... I've got this wild look on my face while my mind reels trying to think of all the instances in which I could have possibly offended her or done something that I wasn't quite aware of, or if yes, she had done something, or even worse, I've made her feel this way. How in the world do I express or convey to her that I might have been selfish and self absorbed enough to have somehow hurt her without intention and that this is news to me without making her feel that her perspective is wrong. I'm telling ya, I love when people are direct with me because yes, often I've got so much going on up in the cranial region that I often lose a bit of perspective or awareness. And in turn, I try to be as direct as possible with others without trying to be mean or hurt feelings. However I'm also sometimes so direct that I lack the ability to sympathize with others or be that gentle being that has just the right words to always make people understand without hurting their feelings. Instead I'm the one who will ignore ya till I remember ya and not aware that this might have hurt your feelings... And I appreciate it being out front. However, all assurances aside, I have no idea how to convey those feelings to make MIL feel better. I can't believe that I've done something wrong, yet I don't want to discredit her feelings. I tried as best as I could to let her know that no matter what I will always see her in my eyes as a mother to me (seriously, I love having this woman mother me), and wouldn't do anything to hurt her intentionally, and if I were somehow upset with her, that she'd know it (not in a bad way- just usually I like to work through issues or at least let everyone know how I'm feeling). I just had no idea how to console her as I had wanted too. I was left nearly speechless as this realm of interaction is just not my forte. And it only made me, the talker, feel utterly incompetent and even worse that I had hurt her and I couldn't make it up even though it was unintentional.
And back to the phone call with my neighbor. This woman has great insight. She tells me that perhaps my MIL and this phone call, this experience, is not something that I need to worry about, but better yet a sign that mom is a wonderful mom and can perhaps teach me how not to repeat this performance. That mom just might be the woman who will teach me to grow into a better me, help me reach out and explore this side of me that perhaps just didn't work so well before. And in turn I might learn something as a mother myself that in turn I can use to foster and nurture my relationship with my own daughter. It's a fantabolous mother’s day gift- one that is humbling yet encouraging. So thank you Mel and Mom, it's something that I hope to continue to chew on and one day spit out a shiny new side of me that only those closest to me can recognize as the result of having amazing and wonderful women, friends and family in my life.
Happy mother’s day weekend to all women worldwide, who are mothers, were mothers and have mothers.
It starts with another phone call last night with my mother in law. The woman is amazing- she is more normal, patient, understanding, caring, intelligent then my mother and most other people I come across, and then she's just a kind person. Silently strong. Well, this mother in law, aka MIL, aka mom, called the other night and wanted to speak with me. I've been busy these days and haven't seen her much other then Easter (missed seeing her at a wedding shower when I skipped town to Canada), nor talked to her on the phone recently. As a matter of fact, I've been so mentally busy that when she (and many others) has called, I've told Dan to call back/follow up because he can and I'm so out there on a million other ideas. Well, with this mental, physical and emotional absence, mom thought that perhaps I was upset with her, maybe mad, or somehow our relationship had changed. This is the point which I remind you that this woman has the unusual canny to find the MOST perfect cards for me that always manage to convey the thought that despite the fact that I've married into the family, I'm considered family to the core. So she calls and gently asks if everything is ok and if she's said or done something recently that maybe I've been upset about/with... I've got this wild look on my face while my mind reels trying to think of all the instances in which I could have possibly offended her or done something that I wasn't quite aware of, or if yes, she had done something, or even worse, I've made her feel this way. How in the world do I express or convey to her that I might have been selfish and self absorbed enough to have somehow hurt her without intention and that this is news to me without making her feel that her perspective is wrong. I'm telling ya, I love when people are direct with me because yes, often I've got so much going on up in the cranial region that I often lose a bit of perspective or awareness. And in turn, I try to be as direct as possible with others without trying to be mean or hurt feelings. However I'm also sometimes so direct that I lack the ability to sympathize with others or be that gentle being that has just the right words to always make people understand without hurting their feelings. Instead I'm the one who will ignore ya till I remember ya and not aware that this might have hurt your feelings... And I appreciate it being out front. However, all assurances aside, I have no idea how to convey those feelings to make MIL feel better. I can't believe that I've done something wrong, yet I don't want to discredit her feelings. I tried as best as I could to let her know that no matter what I will always see her in my eyes as a mother to me (seriously, I love having this woman mother me), and wouldn't do anything to hurt her intentionally, and if I were somehow upset with her, that she'd know it (not in a bad way- just usually I like to work through issues or at least let everyone know how I'm feeling). I just had no idea how to console her as I had wanted too. I was left nearly speechless as this realm of interaction is just not my forte. And it only made me, the talker, feel utterly incompetent and even worse that I had hurt her and I couldn't make it up even though it was unintentional.
And back to the phone call with my neighbor. This woman has great insight. She tells me that perhaps my MIL and this phone call, this experience, is not something that I need to worry about, but better yet a sign that mom is a wonderful mom and can perhaps teach me how not to repeat this performance. That mom just might be the woman who will teach me to grow into a better me, help me reach out and explore this side of me that perhaps just didn't work so well before. And in turn I might learn something as a mother myself that in turn I can use to foster and nurture my relationship with my own daughter. It's a fantabolous mother’s day gift- one that is humbling yet encouraging. So thank you Mel and Mom, it's something that I hope to continue to chew on and one day spit out a shiny new side of me that only those closest to me can recognize as the result of having amazing and wonderful women, friends and family in my life.
Happy mother’s day weekend to all women worldwide, who are mothers, were mothers and have mothers.
Labels: mom
posted by Karen at 3:30 PM
